I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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