Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
