remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
