Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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