this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
