I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
