I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
