Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
