I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
