Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
