So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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