Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
