I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
