I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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