I think i peed on brittanys purse
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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