I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
