Umm I'm too high to move.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
