Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
