Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
