I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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