Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
