Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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