I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
