She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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