I wish my penis had an off switch
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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