listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
