I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
