So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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