I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
