but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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