you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
