Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
