Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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