I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
