I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
