My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
