I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
