He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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