Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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