I can text with my tongue
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
