i was born a porn star she said
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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