found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we're making bets on your personal life
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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