So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
