Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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