I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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