That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
