? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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