I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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