dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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