Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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