I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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