Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
