I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
