worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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