Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize