you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
