four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
