He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
