I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
