I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
