i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
