You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
