God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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