You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
