I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
