I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
