They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
