he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
