my mouth tastes like poor choices
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
