she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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