No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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