Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
