Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Even my vagina gasped.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
