I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
